BLOG RE-WRITE: Hiding Behind the Screen: Relationships Ending Without Face to Face Interaction

In Sherry Turkle's book Alone Together, one of her main points concerns how people now feel protected by the screens of their phones and computers. With phone calls no longer being essential to communication, text messages are sent. The recipient can take as long as her or she wants to respond. As Turkle explains, "at a screen you feel protected and less burdened by expectations...Alone with your thoughts, yet in contact with an almost tangible fantasy of the other, you feel free to play. At the screen, you have a chance to write yourself into the person you want to be..a telephone call can seem fearsome because it reveals too much" (188). Responses on the computer and text messages are often well thought out and prepared because there is no pressure or sense of urgency. Naturally as communication changes between friends, dating relationships will follow. Break-ups now rarely occur in person. Text messages and Facebook posts now seem to be the norm when it comes to ending a relationship.

To expand on Turkle's observations of hiding behind the screen, a new break-up technique has people literally hiding behind their screen. Instead of formally breaking up, some people now "disappear." They do not respond to text messages, phone calls, or emails. This new trend is called "ghosting." As explained in this Yahoo! relationships article, the person just cuts off all contact with their boyfriend/girlfriend. The emergence of this new trend highlights how the screen is impacting daily lives. While these screens do prove to be convenient and helpful, they are providing ways for people to avoid face to face interactions and create a new identity. Common courtesies are now being thrown out the window. If someone is ever confronted about their "ghosting" behavior, the excuse will always be "my phone was broken" or "I never got those messages." It is a lame excuse but is difficult to refute because there is always the possibility of messages not being sent successfully.

It is difficult to fathom that in an era where essentially everything in our lives is becoming public, disappearing is still possible. The screen has indeed provided protection and the ability to avoid conversing in a way where you have to hear the other person's voice. People can change how they are perceived through online profiles and text message responses. The words they use are carefully thought out. This is exactly what Turkle is referring to in her book. Not only have telephone calls become fearsome, but so has texting a message that will probably not cause a good response. The screen is now also protecting people from revealing bad news at all. Of course it is difficult to share something that may hurt the other person's feelings. The screens now have great power. It seems as though we will never know what someone's first reaction is anymore. People are now, in fact, hiding behind their screens. As the face-to-face contact continues to diminish, people will be extremely dependent on their screens. No one will take the time to visit that person's house or place of work to confront an issue. However the person identifies themself through these screens will ultimately define their reputation. If they disappear, or "ghost," from the screen, it is safe to assume they have disappeared from our life.